What’s the definition of closure? Is it that finite moment you feel relief over the circumstances that have plagued you with doubt and a ton of unanswered questions? Is is the moment when you receive an explanation and an apology for someone’s actions making you feel comforted in knowing you ARE a great person and they’re just an idiot? Or is it the term we use to label that moment when we realize it’s over and there is nothing we could’ve done differently for a more positive outcome? For me, it’s that moment when I realized we were not a good fit for each other. Our hearts didn’t match, our purpose in life didn’t match, and our visions didn’t match.
The person I had held onto for more than a year after our breakup was not the man I had created in my mind. Notice what I said there…THE MAN I CREATED IN MY MIND. Yep, that’s right! I’m admitting fault and taking responsibility for my part in the demise of our relationship. Often times, we forget that “it takes two to tango.” We’re so quick to point fingers at the other person to justify the red flags that we missed and/or ignored. That’s exactly what I did. Like many times before, I ignored the red flags I’d seen within two weeks of knowing this man. I justified my ignorance by telling myself, “but he treats me sooooooooo good. He’s so romantic and attentive and loves spending time together.” Sure, all these things were true, but the part I ignored was the unrealistic expectations and the hypocrisy in his actions. I saw it the first time he laughed at me when I was upset about something. I saw it the second time when he rolled his eyes at me when I was trying to get my point across. And I saw it everytime he interrupted me after having just asked me to let him finish. WTH!!
“But he’s was sooooo good to me,” I kept telling myself. He really was a good man, provided I didn’t have any complaints to voice in regards to his actions or inaction. As long as we had a common interest or a common enemy, everything was great. It was when I brought awareness to something that hurt me or bothered me that he would change into this callous human being, null and void of any affection or concern. The first time I had experienced it, I couldn’t believe it. This was the man that bought me a seat cushion because I had burned my booty on my leather seats. This was the man that rubbed my tummy every time I felt constipated ( which was quite often since I wasn’t drinking enough water). This is the man who made me feel so beautiful that I took my wig off in front of him, after having only known him for two weeks. He was amazing. I was a lucky girl who thought she had hit the jackpot and met “THE ONE”. Within a few months time I found out how truly wrong I was. I found that he was capable of protecting me from everything in this world except his own pride and ego.
We ended up breaking up but continuing to remain exclusive for 6 months thereafter. By the way, I don’t suggest hanging on like that. If a person wants to leave, you need to let them. If they’re convinced the two of you are not a good fit, don’t stick around hoping to change their mind. (Little tip for the ladies reading this post: You will very rarely ever be upgraded to wifey status after he’s already decided you’re not the one. It’s a fact. Men know within the first few times of hanging out with you, whether or not you’ll make it to wifey status. WARNING: This doesn’t mean he’ll break it off. This just means you’ll waste you’re time trying to upgrade to wifey status when he’s already lumped you in the “for right now” status.)
Anywho, back to what I was saying. I thought I’d won the lottery with this one. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still a great man, who raised the bar to unbelievable heights, but he definitely had his issues, just as I have mine. Difference is, I recognize my faults and work on correcting them almost daily. He’s great alright. Just not for me. The man God has for me will complement my purpose, not detract from it.
Once I realized this man did not fit my purpose, I almost simultaneously reached that point of peace over the loss. I had finally achieved closure.
Listen, we’re not always going to get closure with every situation. Heck, I lost a best friend to some baffling circumstances. She’s still alive but we’re no longer close and I honestly have no idea why. I’ve reached out and my attempts have not been reciprocated. Instead of disturbing my peace, I’ve made peace with her distance and have since moved on. I wish her nothing but the best. Maybe that’s my closure.
Maybe loving someone enough to let go is closure. Maybe indifference equates to closure. It’s different for everyone. Some people don’t even need that moment of exhale. They just simply find the fault, draw the line in the sand, and walk away the moment that line is jeopardized.
Whatever your heart needs to move forward from a situation, remember, nobody can tell you how to grieve. That’s YOUR process. The loss of a romantic relationship, the loss of a job, the loss of a child, the loss of a home, the loss of a friendship… Whatever the case may be, it’s your loss. Take time to grieve. Take time to unpack your emotions. Take time to heal, but whatever you do, try not to let your grief rob you of your life.
Find the YOU in be-YOU-tiful!!
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